"My life is my message."

Title: Jun, My sunshine
Author:osjmnkamss
Genre: Drama, romance
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: G
Summary: "Don't ever fall in love with me." Jun answered. Will Sho still persue his love for him?

A/N: Hello! This is a story I made for all of you. I want to try making a one-shot. Comments will be much appreciated. Please critic my work. Enjoy reading it. :D

They say that 'it's better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.'

"I don't know why I should tell you this. I'm nothing special, nothing but an ordinary person. Nothing good has happened in my entire life. My life just suck. Except the fact that I met you, Sho. I can see a ray of hope in you. You became my strength."

My world just stop. The warm blue of his eyes reassures me of a love that would last forever. Tears was just continuously streaming from my eyes to my warm cheeks. I had realized many things. I had realized that I felt the same feelings for him. Jun, my sunshine.

-------

Jun and I met at school. We were locker neighbors, sharing the same smell of fresh notebook paper with clips of our favorite musicians taped inside our locker doors.

He was so beautiful ---Pinkish cheecks, with his fully matured body and with his attractive facial character. But what is weird about him is that he has no friends, alone and empty. I haven't seen him hanging out with somebody before. I haven't seen him smile.

Those things had deepen my curiosity. 

"That's nice!" I approached him with out hesitation.

I want to know more about him. I want to be part of his life. I don't want to be a stranger. I want to be his FRIEND.

"Th-Thanks." He stood up from his chair.

Why is he so distant?

I tried talking to him for how many times but he would just ignore me. Doing some excuses- going to the bathroom, goes to the faculty, science project..... And more.

Wait. Why am I doing this? Is it because of pity? Question, unanswered.

Finding an answer to my question just makes me wild. Makes my head BURST.

"Love is the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real."
- Iris Murdoch

Something is not right.

------

I saw him in the cafeteria. Eating alone.

"Can I eat with you?"

"Yes"

I sit now in silence, I don't know how to start the conversation. As I start to speak, I look into his eyes and stop myself, wondering if I will be making a mistake..

No, no, no.. I should speak.

"Uhhmmm.. Are you okay?"

Idiot. How can I easily ask him that kind of question. He doesn't know me..

"W- why.."

Wait. His starting to talk to me right now.

"Mh?"

"W-why do you always talk to me?"

WHY!? A very difficult question. I even don't know why. I can't answer that. Please change the topic.

"Uhhmm.. I don't have a specific answer of 'Why'. I just want to be your friend. That is all. Is that a problem? Am I too annoying? Am I giving you an head ache?"

My heart pounded as I glance nervously into his eyes, unable to hold my stare, yet unable to look away.

"Don't ever fall in love with me."

I sit frozen on the chair for a long time after he said those words; the only movement in my body is my eyes that is ridiculously naughty. I can't stare him straight right in to his eyes. Why am I feeling this way? I felt my heart being crashed into pieces. It makes me feel like half of me is missing. And so I am searching for the missing piece... Is that you?

He was about to stand when I grabbed his hand and held him in my arms tightly.

I struggle to find the words that I know must come out of my mouth. Words that would lead us to a place of magic on the path of our friendship.

"I need you."

That's it.

He was crying.

"Are you kidding? Why would someone need me? I am useless. Not me please."

"It should be you." I said those words lightly. Not being afraid of rejection. I knew that I was taking a big chance with my feelings. If I didn't give him my heart now, there may be no other time.

"Give me a chance to get to know you more. Give me time to think. Will you wait for me?"

"Yes, I will surely do."

-----
We where seeing each other for almost 5 months. The awkwardness are gone and he is starting to open up things on me.

Being with him change my life. I shared many things with him- I mean, everything. I felt the love prying apart the hard shell of shyness that encircled me. His love for me lifted me from the Earth and gently sent me into the clouds. He cast off the chains I had given my self. As if a tall, dark mountain had stood in front of me and out of nowhere, he had given me wings to fly over it.

I should tell him now. I should confess my love to him.

"Jun-chan, I love you. Will you be my boyfriend?"

Silence.

"Impossible."

WHAT!? Is he kidding?

I took a deep breath and replied, "But I love you, Jun. You-----"

He interrupted me.

"Cancer"

Huh!? What is he talking about.

"I'll die soon, Sho-chan. You will be left alone. I don't wanna leave you. That is why I don't want someone to fall in love with me. I don't want to keep in touch with someone. I don't want to be close to someone because...." His voice is accelerating. He is catching up his breath. "I'll leave them eventually."

My heart was broken. Why did he not tell me? He was everything for me, almost all the time together had been in my heart.

"And now you know. Please don't ever go near me."

I was out of my mind. I grabbed his hands and kissed him. I can feel his smooth lips touches mine. I felt his hand on the back of my head pulling our lips more closer. I can feel his warm cheeks touches mine. I can feel his tears run down my cheeks.

I let go of him.

"You will be healed, Jun. If that's not the case. I would be happily be with you and cherish every moment that God has given you to live in my life. I would be ready to face your death, Jun." I hugged him. "Years, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds.. Is not enough but I would promise that it is worth it to be with you."

"I don't know why I should tell you this. I'm nothing special, nothing but an ordinary person. Nothing good has happened in my entire life. My life just suck. Except the fact that I met you, Sho. I can see a ray of hope in you. You became my strength."

"We'll get this through together."

I felt her grip became tighter. I know that I had totally convince her. I will promise to love her now and forever.

---------

It has been 2 years since he had died but I can still feel his presence right here in my heart. His memories would be treasured in my heart forever. Nothing can replace, Jun, My sunshine.

A/N: Sakumoto love. YEY. I am very happy to finish this story. I wanna share my first one-shot fanfic. I am not confident in writing stories. Hope you like it. Comments are much considered and appreciated. Love you all!! :*